I never thought I’d be here. Not as a parent, not as someone who could write about parenting, and certainly not as someone trying to build a community around it. But here I am, and if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share a little of my journey and what led me to Small Steps.
A Lifetime of Saying “No” to Kids
Growing up, the idea of becoming a parent was never on my radar. I carried childhood struggles that I won’t go on about, but I will say that they left me battling anxiety and panic attacks from my teens onward. Add in a string of unhealthy relationships and dangerous decisions, and I couldn’t imagine ever bringing a child into that chaos. My mom, for reasons I’ll never fully understand, often told me growing up that I shouldn’t have kids. While she denies it now (and, for the record, was thrilled when I finally did), her words stuck with me for a long time.
When I eventually settled down in my late 30s with a kind, loving, and decent man, I still didn’t think kids were in the cards. We had a happy life—traveling, dining out, and enjoying our freedom. But after decades on birth control, a casual comment from my doctor about my age and fertility sparked something in me. Suddenly, I was questioning whether I wanted to continue the hormonal routine or if maybe, just maybe, there was another path.
The Rollercoaster of Trying to Conceive
We weren’t exactly planning for kids, but we decided to stop preventing them and see what happened. A fertility clinic told me I had less than a 2% chance of conceiving, even with IVF, so we approached it with a mix of realism and open-mindedness. And then, during the COVID pandemic, it happened—I was pregnant. We were stunned, excited, terrified. And then, I lost it.
I. Was. Devastated.
The loss was deeper than I’d expected. It shook me to my core, and months later, when it happened again, I felt even more crushed. Miscarriages aren’t talked about enough, and they carry a loneliness that’s hard to describe. But they’re so common: approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the World Health Organization. I wish there wasn’t such stigma around them because these losses often have nothing to do with what we did or didn’t do.
During that time, life felt heavy. The pandemic added isolation and stress, and I wasn’t taking care of myself mentally or physically. I was working a high-pressure job tied to the 2020 elections, drowning in burnout, and drinking way too much wine.
But eventually, something shifted. I quit that stressful job, and my husband and I took a long vacation to an island far, far away. For the first time in years, I could breathe. I drank water instead of wine, moved my body, soaked up the sun, and let my mind settle. Two days after returning, on Christmas Day 2021, I found out I was pregnant again.
The Journey to Parenthood
This time felt different, but I was terrified. I cried from fear as much as hope, preparing myself for yet another loss. But this pregnancy stayed, and when my daughter finally came into the world, she completely redefined my understanding of love.
Motherhood, though, wasn’t all roses and rainbows. That first year was isolating. Postpartum hormones, coupled with the lingering effects of COVID on community building, made it hard to feel connected. As older parents, we didn’t have many friends with young kids, and loneliness set in despite the joy my daughter brought.
Why Small Steps Exists
These experiences—the losses, the unexpected joys, the struggles—brought me here. They showed me how deeply we need connection and how important it is to support one another as parents. Every journey to parenthood is unique, but one thing is universal: it’s hard. Harder than anyone tells you.
I created Small Steps because I want to remind parents like me that you’re not alone. That the feelings we all have but don’t talk about? They’re normal. That it’s okay to ask for help, to feel lost, to stumble through this with compassion for ourselves and for others.
Parenthood is full of judgment—of ourselves and of others—but it doesn’t have to be. My hope is that Small Steps can be a space for us to learn together, share what works, and model the values we want to pass on to our children: kindness, resilience, and empathy.
A Community of Learners
I’m not an expert. I’m a mom who’s still figuring this out, learning every single day. My goal with Small Steps isn’t to preach or teach but to share what I’m learning an d create a community where we can grow together.
If you’re reading this, thank you for being here. Let’s take this journey one small step at a time. 🌱