Halloween. It’s the night of costumes, candy, and memories—often documented with photos we think will capture the magic. But this Halloween taught me something different, something that wasn’t about the perfect family photo or well-behaved trick-or-treaters, but rather the importance of staying present and being gentle with ourselves, especially as parents.
I set out with the idea of capturing a beautiful memory with my family, all dressed up and ready to hit the neighborhood. But somewhere in the process, I became that parent. You know, the one bribing their child with candy for just one more photo, all while forgetting to actually be in the moment. Ironically, that’s exactly when things started to go sideways.
My daughter, Olivia, and I were both a bit overstimulated. I was tired and overwhelmed by the crowd and sensory overload, and Olivia, already sensitive to crowds, was also running on an empty stomach with Halloween candy as her main fuel. She was irritable, struggling to adjust, and I found myself trying to coax her into a quick picture with us—an attempt that, looking back, only added to her frustration and my own. I wanted to capture this perfect Halloween photo, but in reality, it wasn’t what she needed, nor was it what was most important.
Lessons Learned: Flexibility, Humility, and Gentleness
In that whirlwind, Halloween reminded me of something I often talk about through Small Steps: parenting is far from a perfect science. As much as we read, research, and practice mindfulness, parenting will always keep us on our toes. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, the night we envisioned just doesn’t pan out. And maybe that’s exactly how it’s meant to be.
Halloween, it turns out, was a little microcosm of everyday parenting. We may plan for fun, but sometimes “forced fun” has its own ideas. Our children’s needs don’t always align with our expectations, and in those moments, we have to let go of the vision of perfection. I didn’t need a flawless picture tonight; what Olivia needed was a sense of security, and what I needed was to join her in the moment, letting go of how I thought things “should” go.
Here are a few takeaways from my Halloween lesson that might just make those high-stakes, “should-be-fun” moments a bit easier:
- 1. Flexibility is your friend: Kids don’t follow a script (and thank goodness for that). Letting go of our “ideal” plan helps everyone enjoy the experience as it unfolds, quirks and all.
- 2. Regulate yourself first: Kids are little mirrors—they’ll reflect our energy. Taking a few breaths to calm ourselves can help us show up with the patience they need.
- 3. Be gentle with yourself: We all know what we “should” do, but we’re not machines. Just because we know the importance of mindfulness doesn’t mean we’ll always get it right. Each imperfect experience is a chance to grow.
A Small Step Forward
As I reflect on this Halloween, I invite you to think about a recent moment when things didn’t go as planned. What did you learn about your child, and what did you learn about yourself? Next time, how can you be a little more present, flexible, or kind to yourself?
In the end, presence matters far more than perfection. The memory I’ll keep isn’t of a perfect photo but of the lessons Olivia and I both learned that night. Here’s to embracing the journey, one small step at a time.